Mutant Produce Now Comes Complete with Stickers

Hybridized fruit now sports brightly colored, impossibly sticky skin growths

Hybridized fruit now sports brightly colored, impossibly sticky skin growths

Do you remember when you could buy a pear, wash it, then eat it?  Not anymore.  Mad scientists have successfully hybridized every last produce species.  Shortly after harvest, fruits and vegetables now develop a brightly colored, impossibly sticky scab on the outer skin.  Being highly toxic, the scab must be removed before eating, presenting consumers with an annoying conundrum: Gouge the little devil out with a fingernail (if you have one), and risk packing your nail with pear pulp?  Or slice off the scab, losing a good part of the fruit and dirtying a knife in the process?  Whichever route you follow, the best part is saved for last:  tossing the scab into the trash, there to join millions of others, further clogging already overflowing landfills.

So I’m back to gouging one of those darned stickers from my pear this morning, wondering why a paper sign attached to a box of fruit can’t adequately identify the contents?  Guess it’s another reason to buy from the farmer’s market. . . .

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